Tag Archive for: Christianity

Thank Who?

Anyone who begins their statement with, “As a…” should be automatically dismissed as a self-important nobody, desperately trying to be relevant by speaking from a position of imagined authority.  The best strategy in dealing with these idiots is to actively ignore anything they say and mock them mercilessly from behind our social media anonymity (which Nimrata would like to eliminate).  So, now that we’ve got THAT out of the way…

As a man who is rediscovering his faith and has become an earnest and sincere student of Christianity, I’d like to respond to Ms. Rapinoe’s statements upon her most ignominious exit from professional sports.

First, I think we can all agree that we wish Ms. Rapinoe all the success in the world, even if it isn’t in soccer. When God closes one door, he opens another, right?

Wait, what am I saying?  My apologies to Ms. Rapinoe. I meant to say when the Goddess closes a door, he/she/they/xe opens another.  Did I get that about right, Ms. Rapinoe?

So what the heck am I even talking about?  Let’s begin at the beginning. On November 13th, the Toronto Sun reported,

“…Rapinoe, playing for OL Reign in the NWSL championship on Saturday against Gotham FC, went down mere minutes into the match, crumbling to the ground while trying to close down on an opponent.”

You see, Ms. Rapinoe apparently tore or otherwise injured her Achilles tendon which forced her exit from an artificially-ballyhooed, but mediocre, soccer career a bit earlier than she had planned. In fact, she had announced her retirement earlier this year.

So why am I haranguing the purple-haired lesbian version of Colin Kaepernick? Her inartful statements forced her to stumble into a theological battlefield for which she was woefully ill-equipped and unworthy to enter. Her statements were neither professional nor even limited to the woe-is-me variety, which could be completely understood. Hell, she didn’t even try for the “I’ll heal up and get back on that horse!” variety either.

Instead of making a classy statement that would make Lou Gehrig’s mother jealous, she instead chose the profanity laden statement attacking monotheists around the world.

“I’m not a religious person or anything and if there was a god, like, this is proof that there isn’t.”

“This is f***ed up. It’s just f***ed up. Six minutes in and I eat my Achilles.”

Your hubris and lack of a stretching routine is showing…

Can we just take a moment to deconstruct her statement please?  You don’t have to be any sort of theologian to recognize logic crafted with the sophistication of a middle-schooler in a bad school district.  I mean, geesh.  I honestly don’t know where to start…The mind reels at the ignorance of her statement.  Something doesn’t exist and if it did exist, its actions prove that it doesn’t exist.

Way to go, Plato.

And here’s the truly interesting piece of this trainwreck masquerading as cognition: Her statement betrays her assumptions of what she thinks God is to Christians. We can read and infer so much about her (ehem) ‘unconscious bias.’

According to Ms. Rapinoe’s worldview, her statement reveals that she believes that the God that Christians believe in is some sort of cloud-riding Santa Claus that rains down boons from heaven to all the good-works doing lesbians. And when this God decides to withhold said boons, the toddler stomps her feet and cries, “I hate You! You never existed anyway!”

Even I, a JV Christian just learning the ropes, can see how flawed her thinking is.  But setting aside her (very) flawed logic and (very) flawed understanding of what Christians (and Muslims and Jews) believe, why do you suppose her first instinct was to reference God in the first place? Is the King of the Universe top of mind lately, even for Ms. Rapinoe? And this is a sincere question!  Why in the world, in the throes of the death rattle of her sports career did she comment on something she claims doesn’t exist? Why was God her first thought?

Would you mind if I made a silly little prediction? I predict that Ms. Rapinoe will, in the coming years, divest herself from the Left’s sick stew of ideological hypocritical (and hyper-critical) claptrap and eventually have the ‘come to Jesus’ moment that so many before her have had.

Go to any AA meeting and you’ll meet people who had to experience the absolute worst life has to offer before they could acknowledge a power greater than themselves exists. I wonder if having your entire livelihood stripped from you in a public and humiliating moment qualifies? Lest we forget that Milo Yiannopolous left his gay lifestyle behind and embraced Christianity, no?

But here’s the whole punchline to the joke that is Rapinoe herself. After all the rhetorical nonsense she blathered on about, she still put her foot in her mouth one last time by saying,

“Thank God I have a f***ing deep well of a sense of humour.

 It’s devastating to go out in a final so early.”

Thank Who?



R. Altomare

Founder, BreathEasy
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